Application Essay - Tone and Voice

In response to one of the several essays I have received in the last few days I came up with the following observations.

1. Whole essay is mostly about your academic achievements and your undergrad subject choice.

2. Personal goals are little elucidated.

3. I do not know if the length of the essay is within the word - limit.

4. The language is stiff with no variation of tone and voice.

After this response the writer advised me the following:

Could you elaborate a bit on the fourth point that you have mentioned? How do I bring in more variety of tones and voice?

Here is my response to the above query:

The very question of voice is EXTREMELY subjective. It may appear to one that there is not enough voice. But in my original response (see no 4 above), I also included the issue of VARIETY of TONE and VOICE.

You see - I am talking about a VARIETY that depends on exactly the kind of College/Univ you are applying to. In  case of TUFTS university we took up a tone that is DARING to say the least. For our voice we decided to present a semi-serious and semi-ironic and self-effacing TONE that was spread across ALL the essays we created. 

Again, the above suggestion is MERELY Advisorial and should NOT be taken as a Final Judgement on this very crucial issue.